Dreams of Impractical DIYs

So friends, I've come to understand that planning a 'dream' wedding is next to impossible unless you have a team of 1000 and a budget of, oh I don't know, $3 million. Meaning, if I happen to win the Lotta Max next week, you will see all of this at my wedding.
However, don't mistake me as ungrateful. After researching a few trumping ideas, I realized this is totally unrealistic and, well, stupid.

Exhibit A:

Fireworks.

There is so many things wrong with this idea. All I can think of is whoever I hire to light these things will lose all arm and eyebrow hair. That's a given. Besides it being a fire hazard, this ash-y idea does not fall within the budget.

Exhibit B:

A super-sized centerpiece.

So let me fill you in on a little detail. One of this suckers will set you back about $300 bucks. Let's multiply that by our 26 tables. A grand total of: $7800. I think not. I'll go with my idea...much nicer, and MUCH less.

Exhibit C:

The Belfry of Baked Goods.

People, who honestly needs a cake this size covered in a thousand roses? Unless you were a duke's daughter, a dream such as this should not even be considered. Plus, the grocery story called: they want their butter stock refilled.

Forecast: 100% Chance of Shower!

2 down, 1 to go!

That's right! Another bridal shower today...minus the 'surprise' element. Hee hee. This time though it was hosted by a Pampered Chef consultant. See, here's the thing, when I first heard of Pampered Chef, I think of this.

False. Our consultant was fabulous! Although the jalapeno pizza poppers were a little warm (and no, I don't mean spicy...AKA: crispy), no sunscreen was required. Meaning: no tanning. Meaning: happy Whitney. Anyways, because of the wonderful people in attendance, I get FREE stuff!! Wooo! I'm a Mennonite; therefore, I strive toward attaining anything FREE, even if it means scoring a deal where I end up being soaked for a cool $50. Sad, I know, but I call it thrifty and/or moochy. :)

Moving on. I get $65 of FREE goods, PLUS 2 items at 50% off! In Pampered Chef lingo, that means 'You and your guests must spend $400 combined total on exact 27 items of stoneware, while choosing 3 different size paring knives, along with an apple slicer and vegetable peeler to qualify for the above deal'. TRANSLATION: FREE STUFF!!!

So, thank you, ladies! From the bottom of my wallet!

It's the Tootsie Roll Talkin'

So here's the latest drama filled pre-wedding moment. I tried my dress on the other day...this is where the 'Jaws' music comes in: Dunnn um dunn um dun um dunum dumun. Anyways, lately I've been feeling, well, big. Hahaha- I just laughed on my own poor usage of wording.

Let me rephrase that.

I have this major, oozing fear (yes, oozing) that after all the work that's been done to this poor dress, come August 21, it simply won't fit. I just picture myself forcing my wedding gown on the way I used to try and force Lego pieces together until I shook uncontrollably. But away from that digression.

It fits!

However, I still have this uncontrollable terror that it won't fit. Weird, I know. BUT I also feel the need to remind all of you, I have a greater fear of diets. (I shutter more thinking about that word then I do thinking about tanning, and that my friends, is saying a lot). So here I sit perplexed. Wait, no. I just got an idea. I just got a wonderful, awful idea! Why don't I just maintain the same weight?!

So maybe the Cherry Blasters and large pop at the movie this evening wasn't such a great idea...