Let's just take a moment to remember the book we all hated from high school: The Lord of the Flies. Ok, that's plently long enough. Try to get that nasty image out of your head of the boys dressed in leaves running around with a rotting skull stuck on a stick. Ah, high school, how I miss you.
ANYWAY, this weekend is our family's annual pig roast! And since it was canceled last year because of my marriage to my incredibly calm and completely sane husband, I'm doubly excited. My dad is the pig master. If he were a character in that horrible book, he would be Ralph.
Let me break this down for you because you're probably imagining one of two things:
Prespatou Style Pig Roast
A man shows up to school to pick up his children. Of course, he comes with the tractor. And obviously, it will have a dead, dripping, eyes-gaping pig hanging off the front. Yum. Not. (P.S.- This actually happened. Just sayin')
Townie Style Pig Roast
A man walks into Safeway and asks the butcher for a slab of ham. He greases it up and dumps it into a vat of boiling oil or something. Yum. Not.
INSTEAD:
A man, my dad, heats a 3 foot deep pit for 12 hours using a bon fire. He stokes the fire, heats up the rocks, and dresses the pig. The pig gets lowered into the pit at a brisk 7 a.m. and literally bakes inside the pit for 10 hours. Then we feast! YUM! YES!
Be jealous.
So I was paging through my old yearbook the other day, and I came across a short story I wrote in Grade 3 (age 8). I laughed out loud as I realized that I've kept the same style of writing since! However, my grammar, spelling, vocabulary, and sentence variety has much improved. I thought I would share it with you all:
Inside Out
One night I was sleeping and I had a dream. My shirt was inside out. My pants were inside out. Everything was inside out. The store was even inside out. I could not believe it. My pencil was inside out. "Mom", I called. My mom came into my room. My mouth dropped open. She was inside out. "Ahhhhhhh!" I screamed. Then I woke up. Boy was I ever huffing and puffing. "Mooom" I screamed. She said, "What happened?" "I had a bad dream." Then I put my shirt on inside out...
The End.
-Still not sure how a pencil, a store, and my mother could be inside out, but hey, at least I have an imagination.
P.S.- Still praying for Carly's family! Glad to see her mom is making a miraculous recovery!
Hi all.
I had an odd thought today (surprised?). Why do people name their inventions after other people, animals, or landscapes? Can't we come up with something original?
For instance, this is a Bobcat:
And what did we name after this cute, cuddly feline?
This:
Do you see the resemblance? I don't.
Another example: Ford.
Name after this man:
...Wait. I'm not sure which one is older...
And finally, this invention:
...was name after the island where the first atomic bomb was tested. That should say something.
Linguini, Martini, Bikini.
Today is my parents 30th wedding anniversary! Woohoo! Go Mom and Dad!
So I thought I take you all back to the place it all began: Prespatou....Kidding! How 'bout 1981?
Music: Jessie's Girl. (Mom, did you ever date a Jessie? Awkward)
Also, Journey's 'Don't Stop Believing', and obviously, my parents took that to heart :)
Fashion Trends: Everything you're NOT supposed to wear. Like this for example. Oh, Olivia, you look much better in 50's garb.
Additionally, hairstyles were, literally, at their biggest. And thanks to this lovely woman (you all know who she is), my mom was trapped inside her hair (exactly like this) on her wedding. But I'll save her the embarrassment and just show you this lady.
TV Shows: Three's Company, of course. 'Jack, eat your salad before it gets cold.' -Chrissy
I'll leave out snorkel goggle glasses for now. That picture would take up all the space for my wandering thoughts.
Anyway, it's quite a feat. Wishing you at least 30 more, Mom and Dad!
They've done it. IKEA has perfected their store.
Ryan and I ventured to Edmonton last week during FSJ's torrential down pour, and with that came our purpose for the road trip: IKEA. Ryan had never been there. NEVER. I questioned him. Please enjoy this short dialogue:
Whitney: You'VE NEVER been to IKEA?
Ryan: Nope.
Whitney: I thought for sure you've gone with me at least once.
Ryan: You've invited me several times, but usually your dad and I get out of it with an excuse like, "We'll call Shaw and order UFC on PPV." OR "I ran out of beer."
(Notice how I don't realize that he's never been to IKEA with me, which means that I was paying too much attention to the furniture in my tunnel vision to disregard the fact that my husband was not accompanying me.)
Whitney: Hmm. Too bad. I think you'd really hate it.
Ryan: Why would I hate it?
Whitney: Because it cramped and claustrophobic; therefore, you have to walk through the entire showroom to get to the exit. There's arrows on the floor. It's a bit like living vicariously through Hanzel and Gretel.
Ryan: Actually, you're wrong. A few years ago, IKEA was sued by a customer because they weren't able to find their way out of the store during a family emergency. They got lost, so they sued. They lost, of course, but now every IKEA has mandatory shortcuts throughout the whole showroom.
(Please note: This quotation is about 98.76% word for word)
Whitney: Wow.
But I digress. We precisely arrived at 10 a.m. (I thought I'd break him in easy...avoiding the afternoon crowds and all) We found some great furniture, made decisions efficiently, and arrived at the IKEA cafe in approximately 47 minutes. Record time if you ask me. Before heading downstairs to fill up our cart with the desired items written on our shopping list, Ryan notices the menu.
"They serve beer?! This place is awesome!"
IKEA is not only perfect for the thrifty wives, but for the patient husbands, as well.
So I came across quite a deal this week. From a Mennonite. AND I AM a Mennonite! So put two and two together, and you get a steal of a deal. It got me thinking about what Mennonites do to save a buck. I've come up with a list:
1) Mennonites save hundreds of dollars a year down the hygiene aisle. Can you say 'Deodorant Free'?
2) Mennonites search local classifieds for used items, saving them more money on house hold items than any other community around. For instance, a used breast pump is not out of the question.
3) Mennonites replenish their children's bicycle tire stash by collecting bent ones off the side of the road. This type of find is almost as good as roadkill. I have people who can vouch.
4) Mennonites sew all their blankets from used clothing. No joke, your grandpa's sweat stained lumber jack shirt becomes your duvet cover.
5) Mennonites talk to other Mennonites to get the scuttlebutt about the latest deals. That's how they found out that a friend of theirs is housing four sidewalk blocks in his shed, which he's been trying to get rid of for months! Thanks Tim and Suzanne!
I'm Whitney, and I'm a Mennonite. I just saved myself some serious coinage.
