I have a cold. It sucks.

Ever since I can remember, Vicks always seemed to do the trick and cure the cold, and this week, it still proves true...thus far.

Let me explore the ways of how my parents have used Vicks in the past to cure their whiny, ill, sleepless children from the yearly cold virus.




1) The classic: Smear the goop across my neck, tickling the crap out of me all the while. Then folding a tea towel in thirds (yes, it MUST be thirds), wrapping it loosely around my neck to create more heat...therefore, more fumes...therefore, clean nasal passages.

2) My personal LEAST favourite: the smear under the nose. If this method proved ineffective of congestive relief, it would be issued as one of the most effective interrogation tactics for the Special Ops. No joke.

3) The Vicks Tent: If you don't know what I'm talking about, you've missed out on a huge part of life. It was the one legitimate reason I had to build a fort in my room WHILE skipping school. After boiling a pot-full of water, add a glob of Vicks, shove it into your child's 'fort' and Viola! Potent Steam Tent!

After doing a bit of research on Vicks, I found myself reading the warning label. It reads as follows:

1) For external use only. Do not place in nostrils. What if my mom accidentally grazed the inside of my nostril!? I could have died from that little bit of penetration. They would have had to call Poison Control!....I repeat, POISON. CONTROL. 

2) To avoid possibility of fire, never place VapoRub in boiling water or expose to an open flame.  Umm...hello? Never place in boiling water? All this time I was risking the possibility of FIRE containing the most potent goop on the planet. Awesome. 


So thanks, Mom and Dad, for risking my life. I hope to one day follow suit and cure my children's colds with these methods.


To be clear: I will still make forts in my room and create Vicks Tents. I like to live on the edge.